Come Break Bread

I suffer from an eating disorder

And I don’t ever talk about it

Mostly because I do eat

I love food

I love all food

I binge eat in fact, often times

And normally I eat well and healthy

But I have self punishment mechanisms

I’ve only just recently admitted to

And I struggle to convince myself to self love

I don’t eat when I’m mad at myself

When I have un-forgiveness or anxiety

Sometimes I’m just nauseous and can’t

It’s a purging too, not always a punishment

Sometimes fasting helps me feel better

It’s humbling and grounding in a way

A tearing down, for a building back up

I’m trying to heal and be better

For myself, yes, but for my family, my sons

I am praying more, for Grace and guidance

We all suffer from deep depression

And self sabotage in one way or another

I also suffer from a sleeping disorder

From a childhood full of trauma

And a life living in addiction and sin

It’s not a glamorous thing, the truth

We all need help yet hide in shame

I’m learning though that in my weaknesses

Is where He is strong, my God

Thank you for Jesus, my Salvation

Come break bread with me, Brothers & Sisters

Come and let us eat

I’m Fine, Everything’s Fine, I’ll Be Okay

Sometimes when I say, “I’m not feeling well”

It’s cause my heart begins racing with a single memory

It’s cause my blood pressure is spiking, my hands start to shake

It’s cause my soul is beginning to crush all over again

It’s cause I can feel the tears instantly emerge at the near breaking point

It’s cause I know once I start crying again I won’t be able to stop

It’s cause the last time I cried for 3 days and couldn’t open my puffy eyes for 3 more

It’s cause I get light headed and have trouble breathing when anxiety attacks

It’s cause I miss my best friend and waves of grief come unexpectedly to drown me

When I say, “I’m not feeling so well” and you outreach no hand to help me

It’s cause you think I mean a tummy ache, and surely, I am fine

And you’re right – I’m fine, everything’s fine, I’ll be okay – I’m just not feeling so well.


Has life ever hurt you so bad that addiction kicks in?

And the first ice cold sip of a freshly cracked bottle

Reminds you of a time, not so long ago

When being drunk was like breathing to you?

The veins within you inhale alcohol into your blood stream

And it’s down that ice cold bottle of darkness and self destruction

That you lost yourself.

As it touches your lips, you feel yourself start slipping away again

And you can’t help but think,

It tastes so good.