Him: I want you to know, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

…

Her: I want you to know, I’ve been searching for you for a very long time.

I want to chase the meteor showers and dance playfully in the rain

I want to stumble on adventures cherishing all the Joy and pain

I want to curiously listen and to hear what others have to say

I want to learn from all their stories and my own mistakes along the way

I want to follow in my Father’s footsteps and always serve my fellow man

I want to remember and be humbled that not all are blessed as I am

I want to hear my mom and dad tell stories of struggle and conquering the odds

I want to cling to Hope and Salvation, giving all the Glory to God

Sometimes when things get messy, frustrating or just not fun

People tend to be so selfish, blame, argue, fight and run

I want to be the exception, breaking curses starts with me

I want to stand up for what I believe in, be brave and wild and free

But when the storm is roaring, it seems there’s no hope to be seen

I will tread with you until it passes, please know I’ll never leave

I want contentment with the journey and Peace within my soul

I want to reach back for the others and grasp tightly to Faith and Hope

I pray for true forgiveness from all those I’ve wronged or hurt

I pray for some redemption, to be washed clean of the dirt

I want to raise my beautiful children and for them to always know they’re loved

I want to kiss them on their foreheads every morning as they wake up

I want to teach my nieces and nephews about heritage and dreams

I want to convince them they can do anything, soar high with uncaged wings

I want to see and smell and touch the flowers and the Earth

I want to hold the orphan and the widow, ease their sorrow if I could

I want to have a legacy of Goodness, Discipline, and mercy

I want to never throw a stone because I’m too busy washing feet

I want to grow continually each day more in Love and Grace

I want to save all the souls I can before Heaven calls me from this place

I want to watch the sunrise in the morning with the man I love right by my side

He will hold my hand with Gentleness, have Patience and be Kind

I want to know he’ll never leave me, I want to feel cherished and adored

To have a best friend and a partner, support in growth, and be assured

A lover and a constant, in life, in health, in death

Until the sun sets lastly, casting brilliance, making shadows in it’s path

I pray I’m on a beach somewhere with a campfire and a song

Surrounded by all my grandkids laughing and singing along

And when my final night falls upon me as I stare up at the stars

I pray I showered you with love, I pray you found rest in my arms

Men are all the same

And women don’t know shit about fuck

You can be pretty

Or you can be smart

But you can’t be pretty AND smart

Also, don’t speak too loudly

Simmer down with the emotions

Go make a sandwich

Have a seat

Spread your legs

Do as I say

Shhhhhhh

She binged on unusually bad decisions for awhile

She told herself that

If it hadn’t been her

It would have been

Some other girl

But that wasn’t true

To all the men who’d

Fallen in love with her

There were no other girls

I’d lost my Faith so long ago

I began wondering if I’d ever even had it to begin with

And at the moments I needed someone to blame or to hate, I questioned God

Why couldn’t it have been someone else?

Someone ugly?

Someone forgettable?

Someone replaceable?

Someone else?

Even me!

Why her?

I started thinking death was the only thing I could be certain of

Grief doesn’t ever get easier

Grief doesn’t ever heal

It does however become a part of you

Or to the contrary, a piece of you

That’s lost forever

A dark hole

A bottomless pit

Never to come back from

Never to be filled

Never to heal

Never to get easier

Just. Always. There.

Just. Always. Gone.

Maybe they say “Survived By”

Because that’s what we’re doing

Just surviving

One moment to the next

One breath in

One breath out

Get through the mo(u)rning

Get through the night

Get through one day at a time

But each moment

Each breath

Each morning

Each night

Each day

It also feels like a part of me is dying over and over again

Barely able to breathe, but alive none the less

Maybe I’m surviving

But maybe I’m not surviving her at all

No peace.

No sleep.

It hurts in my chest every time I breathe.

I got dressed in the dark.

I couldn’t even brush my hair.

It doesn’t feel right…

To do anything at all.

He didn’t want me until I got better

But you wanted me even when I was fucked up