Numb

I poured cold water over myself in the shower and despite still felt numb

I wondered how it is that I’ve yet to cry over losing you

I wondered why tears weren’t streaming down my face like these drops of water

As the defeat of never being enough for you after all of these years came flooding back

I realized this must be what finally moving on feels like

You no longer own the places you occupy in my memories

Where you inevitably show up, your face, your name, us together

Although such a brief moment in this eternity

We packed the chapter of us with so much life and adventure

For so long I gave you all of me, every inch, every morsel, every fiber

And now I don’t even miss you anymore

These memories are mine, you can no longer rob me of them

Those places and moments – my laughter, my happiness, my joy

My huge, crushed and mended, brave heart still so full of love

They are not your souvenirs, they belong to me

Now looking back to the beginning and through our entire life together

I feel peaceful numbness where I once felt tremendous pain

I began mourning you the moment I fell in love with you

I lost you so many times, even before you ever left