It’s that first spirit deep sigh.
After a heartbreaking fight.
That makes you realize.
She doesn’t care anymore.
She doesn’t love you anymore.
She doesn’t have the strength anymore.
A sigh so loud and clear.
As if she’s been holding back her breath for an eternity.
Not anymore.
With your backs to each other, she whispers, softly, sweetly, “I’m sorry.”
And then through the darkness you hear tears dancing across her face to the seductive music of the silence.
A sigh so tireless.
Now she’ll never clear her mind enough for peaceful sleep.
Can’t even be in the room with you.
Can’t even cry with you near her.
She never used to drink, not like this.
But things change, life changed her.
She drowns out the sadness of her soul with each crack of a bottle, sinking.
Slowly but surely, she knows.
Eventually, she’ll be drunk on old memories and a false sense of happiness.
Or maybe it just reminds her she was happy once upon a time.
A reluctant, sleepy sigh.
A release of all she’s been pretending to be.
Maybe letting it go makes her finally feel free.
Her heart hurts.
You hurt her.
But she’s tired.
It’s that last spirit deep sigh.
Before she finally closes her eyes.
She doesn’t love you anymore.

I remember the first time I had keylime pie.

You fed me a bite of yours from your fork and called it “cleansing to the pallet.”

And maybe that’s why I love it so much now.

Cause it takes me back to that moment, back to you, every single time.

She always chose him.

Even when it was detrimental to her.

When she had to forgive him when he wasn’t sorry.

When it cost her her sanity.

When it broke her spirit.

And her heart.

She chose him.

And for once in her life…

She decided to choose herself.

I loved you.

So I left you.

To save you.

From me.

I can’t describe how hard I cried.

I sobbed.

I cried so hard and so much I physically couldn’t cry anymore.

And I couldn’t ever sleep again, I was certain.

All the others hated him…
For the way her eyes searched for his.
She was in love.
She didn’t even try to hide it.
They all knew, her heart would always be only his.
None of them blamed him for being so selfish.
Each of them loved her.
Every inch, every fiber.
He was only lucky enough…
To have her love him back.

I wondered how he knew I was awake.

Maybe he could hear it in the way I was breathing.

Maybe he could feel my eyes wide open, staring at the wall.

Maybe he just sensed that I was falling out of love with him.

I pretended to be asleep.

But I couldn’t sleep with him at all.

Everything hurts when your heart hurts.

I know how hard it is, beautiful girl.
I hope one day you wake up stronger than you were the night before.
I hope you wake up strong enough to finally say no to less than what you deserve.
I hope you feel it deep down in your bones.
I hope you know that your life will be different from that moment on.
You’re going to be okay!
I know for a fact you’ve survived worse.
Don’t ever forget…
When you are stuck between two things…
You are not stuck.
You always have another option.
Period.
The other option is neither one of those things.
It is choosing to walk away from both of them.
And knowing that no matter what happens…
They will never say, “She was not brave.”

****

You steal kisses from my lips.
Like souvenirs.
Of a new place you’re almost finished exploring.
How fond you are of our adventure, that you take pieces of me with you.
To remember me by.
A place you want to visit in your memories.
But not a place you want to stay.
Please stop.
Before there’s nothing beautiful left of me here.