He’s what puts a smile on my face

As tears fall from my eyes

My motivation for persistence

When I no longer want to try

*

He is the comfort that falls over me

When I’m uncertain or afraid

He’s the promise of a miracle

By a rainbow, after rain

*

He’s the hope and strength I grasp to

In moments of desperate weakness

He’s my reminder of Salvation

When I cry out for forgiveness

*

He’s the beauty seen through blindness

He’s my voice when I can’t speak

He’s proof that there’s still innocence

He’s everything good in me

*

He’s an angel in this world that’s been

Stripped of everything divine

A little child shall lead them

This little child of mine

Happiness; it’s what we search for in every aspect of our lives

We work for it, hurt for, love for it, break down when we lose the fight for it

People can’t let you just be happy

They wreck you, try to control you, steal it from you, and cheat you out of your victory

When we find it, it’s only temporary, for permanent happiness is too good to be true

It hides behind lies, it dwells in the truth, it’s found under, over, beside, and behind every turn, every corner of life… But never completely captured

Happiness is the laughter when you don’t even want to smile

We know it’s true when without it we’re never content

It’s real when it hurts so bad to lose it that we’d rather not go on living if we can’t have it back

We’d fight and we’d lie all the way through our lives, just for a small, sweet taste of it

A chance in a million is worth these millions of tears

Am I allowed never to be happy in my pursuit of happiness?

I made love to you this morning.

You didn’t know it, because it was only in my dreams.

But it wasn’t just sex this time.

Not like all the times I fantasized about you before.

It’s the first time you called me Baby.

And while trying to shove into oblivion, “feelings”, I couldn’t contain, poured out of me…

We had boundaries, to keep us safe – Gone.

We had rules – one word, they’re shattered.

Promised I wouldn’t love you – I’ve changed my mind now.

It all means more now.

“Hey baby” = “I love you”.

“Good morning baby” = “I love you”.

“Sweet dreams baby” = “I love you”.

“I miss you baby” means, “I love you”.

You can’t have it both ways:

(1) call me baby and beautiful, tell me you miss me, and have feelings for each other, but…

(2) we’re still nothing, it’s meaningless, that’s bullshit.

I never lost sleep over you before.

Now I lie awake for hours with my torturous wondering.

Until finally submitting to sweet haunting dreams of you.

Why did you have to call me that, Baby?

I was always honest…

Even if I was never anything else to you at all.

I still love you through you wanting, not just a fight, but a war.

I still love you even though I say, that I don’t love you anymore.

I still love you through the coldest words that slip out upon your breath.

I still love you even though you selfishly take when nothing’s left.

I still love you through everything you say that’s undoubtedly a lie.

I still love you even though I want to hate you so bad I cry.

I still love you through the times you call me a “******* ****”, a “*****”, a “*****”.

I still love you even though I say, that I don’t love you anymore.

I still love you through your mind games and manipulating ways.

I still love you even though to me, “I hate you!” Is what you say.

I still love you through your uncontrollable anger and selfish pride.

I still love you even though I completely hate your other side.

I still love you through not knowing what the hell I love you for.

I still love you even though I say, that I don’t love you anymore.

Sometimes I go long periods of time without thinking about you at all…

And because you’re almost gone… Maybe that means I don’t hate you anymore.

And then sometimes I think of you, and that night, and that hotel room…

And I hate you.

“You know, I often picture you in empty seats that I sit beside…”

The journey begins… Funny how that sounds so cliche, but I took my son to the Journey concert last week, so I’m going to believe it is fitting. Don’t stop believing!

I’m here for a lot of reasons. I’ve always wanted to publish my poetry, yet for the last 15 years, I’ve failed myself at pursuing that dream.

I’ve also had a headache for the past 3 days, and the insanity this kind of torture produces, has caused me to think this is a good idea. I hope it’s right, insanity that is, I definitely hope the headache goes away.

Stay tuned. I can’t wait to share my deepest fears, thoughts, hopes, heartbreak, dreams and cherished moments with you, in no particular order, and not always glamorously. Enjoy.

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton